We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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