it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
