What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
