There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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