you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
