I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
