sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
