I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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