Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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