I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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