God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
