Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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