If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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