Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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