I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
