bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We had sex on a dog bed..
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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