I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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