New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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