I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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