Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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