dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just cropdusted the office
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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