Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
