and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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