I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
