Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
