I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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