UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
