OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
