On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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