I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
