btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize