Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize