It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
