Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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