what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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