you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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