you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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