Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
