her vagine was all disorganized.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
