I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So vagazzling was a success
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
