your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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