Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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