a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It's just like the Real World with babies
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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