I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
