If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
