also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
