he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
