Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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