At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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