my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
