What a fucking waste of an outfit
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
