Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
