you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Your mouth is God's brothel.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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