yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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