His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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