He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
