that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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