Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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