im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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