mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
