Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i was born a porn star she said
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
