I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
