You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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