ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
then he tried to convert me to islam
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
