I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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