I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I need water and some morals
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
